This blog is gonna be deleted soon enough. This weekend at least (I've just gotta copy and keep all these as it's a part of my life I don't want to lose). Anyways if anyone wants my new account just ask.

I can't believe I'm STILL sick. My head hurts like a fucking bitch. Not to mention Brodie is apparently pissed at me too and I'm sure Meagan is too seeing how she's hardly spoken to me but she has been a hell of a lot nicer than Brodie has. I somewhat think it's because I was hanging out with Emilie last night and now she knows I'm walking with her tomorrow but FUCK.
1 - Brodie and Emilie have been walking together A LOT (I've only walked with Emilie once ~ not that I'm blaming ANY of this on her)
2 - Brodie and Meagan hang out with Emilie all the time. Plus, if they REALLY want her that badly maybe they should come fucking say so to my face.

Whatever... If I'm still pissed at Brodie tomorrow I'll talk to her about it.. more calmly of course because nothing gets solved by yelling... unless she yells at me first. Although in that case I'll just walk away probably. Ugh to be honest I really can't deal with this, nor do I want to and nor do I care if Brodie hates me or not. I just care about Emilie and how this would affect her and our friendship.

My mood today: cheerful



Today was a good day. I got my braces off - I got to miss the whole morning of school because of it. Then I went to school and at first it was kinda blah but I was happy because I didn't have braces. I saw her and I got a plain hi but for some reason it didn't bother me, I was in a rush anyways. Then in civics me and my friend were laughing through the whole class and some guy said my teeth look really good so that made me happy. Then after that me and my friend from civics were walking home and her locker happened to be like right outside the classroom so I saw her and was like "hey" and I was in a really good mood so I don't think I screwed up the conversation at all. Then she told me she was going out with meagan and brodie and stuff (it was an early dismissal) but when brodie and meagan walked by apparently she told them to just keep going basically lol so we spent the rest of the day till dinner at my house and taking pictures. It really meant a lot me because it was just all happy. And she took the pictures this time which I actually really liked because she gave me comments on me and stuff and then just like.. yeah =)
Also I got lots of hugs and stuff and like a whole bunch of other stuff like that. I think our whole "we're gonna work this out" talks are really working now because I think we're both trying. I've decided that I'm going to try and get therapy instead of doing something I may later regert or something like that. Also, it helps me a lot that she's gonna be there when I call a suicide hotline and when I tell my mom I want to get therapy and stuff like that. It really means a lot to me, like I can't even describe how much it means to me. She was even the one that suggested she wait upstairs in my room well I tell my mom and then when I'm done she'll just be there for me and stuff.

I just.. I'm happy for once and that even makes me happier and it seems to make her happy too which just makes me even happier. I just don't want this to stop like it has before, therefore I'm gonna try really hard to not say anything wrong on msn as that's when we usually have our fights and I'm also gonna try to not let little things like her spending time with Alicja bug me.. also if they really do I'll just tell her in a calm matter and stuff like that.
But right now I'm not gonna worry about that, I'm happy and I just don't want that to end tonight with something I start thinking about.

how do you go about asking your parents that hate you for a theraby?



I don't know many things and at this current moment I can't feel many feelings because of all the meds I'm on... but I do know one thing; I can never live without her.

it just feels so great to be told that someone doesn't want to spend time with you and can't all because you're sick. And then the one person you think WILL come around you, they surprise you and really won't come around you.

Nice eh? My worse fear is being alone and I've been alone for a total of 3 days, 4 in counting.

four days in counting. I know she was on last night.... I emailed her... she never emailed me back. A better of me doesn't want to think this but I can't help it... she has said it herself before too. Is she still trying to stay away from me?

This is how bored I am today. Not only is NO ONE online but my brother has totally abandoned me to be with his friends. So, due to boredom, I decided to take pictures of all the things that have been with me 24/7 well I've been sick. When no one will hug you or even come near you when you're sick, these things are definately a must have (plus a stuffed animal and pillow but the pictures I took of those things with these things didn't really work out - not enough light).

Tylenol Ultra, Benylin Dry Cough and Cold, Halls, Water, and Puffs Plus with the scent of Vicks are the only things that seem to want me to get better.