I'm trying, I'm really really trying. I just... I hate this. I just wish I was the same as everyone else on this fucking planet. I don't want to love my best friend, let alone a girl that'll never love me back. Sure, she's amazing and everything, but jesus this just isn't helping either of us. The thing with Victoria (techincally it's not even a thing) may help, but that's only thing she's the same and would go out with me and what chance do I have of that really? And I mean.. if I don't have that I'm gonna come back to her and just ruin everything again. I can't do this and I don't understand and I just want all this to be over.
I actually really hate myself.