I hate being sick. I actually WANTED to go to school today. Mostly because I'm gonna be sooo behind on monday but also because I hate her being somewhere I can be with her but I'm just not...
Like at work last night. I can't even express how mad I was, and sad, when I found out that I didn't get to work with her and Alicja did. Everytime I went down there too Alicja was cuddling her. I wanted to slap her and be like "no! I cuddle her! It's the one thing I don't see anyone else do to her! It's the one thing that I have with her! Not you, you're not even her fucking friend!" and I knoooow that's selfish but fuck.. it's so true. I mean sure people hug her and shit but NO ONE cuddles her like I do. Maybe that's another reason I didn't go to school today.. I just didn't feel like seeing anyone. Of course, I still wanted to see her, nothing would ever make me NOT want to see her.
I'm also not going to my friends birthday party tonight which I feel horrid about because I told her I would and I missed it last year and everything. That was also my chance to hang out with her and you know, get a hug or something so I don't feel like such crap. All I've wanted all day is to just cuddle up to her but I know I won't get to do that (and the fact that I've cried over the fact that I probably won't get to cuddle with her for a very long time just makes me feel pathetic).
I'm starting to hate this whole love crap. All I do is cry over it and feel horrible and pathetic. Not to mention that I feel like I'm being punished for loving someone all the time.

Whatever, me typing on the keyboard is making my headache so much worse so I'm gonna go back to sleep. Who knows.. maybe she'll surprise me and call me when she sees I didn't show up for Megan's birthday party... I can only hope.