I've decided something!
Instead of blowing all my hard earned money from this summer on clothes, cds, school stuff etc. I've decided to see how much high defination video cameras are and use my money on that. My brother, his girlfriend and I have been talking about making some movies for awhile (the first one being a zombie movie OF COURSE!!!) and than this way it'll give me a chance to really decide if I want to be a director. So, hopfully high defination video cameras won't be too much because I really don't want to buy some random video camera, I want a REALLY good one that'll last me for a long, long time. High defination is definately the best right now, no?

Also, I've decided something else. Even with all my suicidal thoughts and such, it really isn't worth it. I can't let two silly things like a broken family and a broken heart get me down so much that I don't even really want to live, it just isn't healthy. And yes, I know, I do come to the point where I'm happy enough to think suicide isn't the answer but I think I really mean it this time. Also, I'd like SOMEONE to remind me of the happy moments I've had and how being home is going to be okay (as I really think it's the not being with my family for almost two months and not around her that's given me the chance to really clear my head this summer). I think I just need to remember that no matter what happens, it just isn't worth losing my life over. I need to start fixing the mind set I have and stop letting my mood take over me so much... because who knows, I may just end up doing something stupid again and it not working where I'm okay in the end.
Anyways, because of how I've been feeling lately (happish) I haven't noticed till yesterday but I've actually stopped cutting. Of course, the last cut I did was like 3 or 4 weeks ago but it just had to be like the deepest cut I've ever made and is still hurting and definately not healed at all, grand eh? So far for not having a lot of scars. Anyways, because of it still hurting and all I just haven't noticed how long I've made it without picking up a razor. I've actually LOST my razor blade I usually use, which is just not me, seeing how it's usually always in my purse or pocket haha.
ANYWAYS! That's what it's come to in this point of my life anyways. Stopped cutting (again), decide I can do without suicide (again) but for different reasons this time. All the times I've stopped cutting or decided to not commit suicide fully is ALWAYS because of her, because she cares (three cheers for her caring ness of me. Makes me so happy). This time I'm still doing it for her but for the first time ever I'm actually doing it for myself. Yeah, my brother being supportive of me being a director/writer has made me really set out to be that when I get older. I've even looked up colleges close for directing or writing because I think it's REALLY what I want to do with my life. I love writing and I've always seen things in movie style (it's hard to explain lol and I think really only my brother can understand the movie style mind set) and it just seems right for me to be writing movies and directing them with the right actors that I've chosen.

So yeah. I don't know excatly how much money I've made just yet because I have 2 or 3 more pay checks to come in the mail (I got my 3rd pay check today!!! ^_^) but when I do know I will for sure write it on here just because I'm that cool. Also, I offically finish work Thursday night!!!! Yay!!!






~add Pretty Woman to my favourite movie list (saw it for the first time today haha)~