My parents have been fighting for 48 hours almost striaght. These 48 hours include two fights (one in which I was involed in), about a thousand death wishes, one sleepless night, and my mother complaining to me each second she gets. All this stuff bothers me and I have yet to express how I feel about this situation to my parents but for some reason it all doesn't seem to matter that much right now. I feel like I'm back to those stupid months during school when I wasn't friends with her because for some stupid reason that I can't even remember we weren't talking. After last night and her not calling or anything for the whole day I feel as if we're back in that spot and any other crap that's happening in my life doesn't matter to me because all I want is her back. Yes, the cutting's back and the suicide thoughts are back more than ever but I would gladly clean all that up so hard just to be with her right now. And even with how much I want to see her, talk to her, hug her... I don't want to cave in and try to make things better first. It's like... this is a way for her to tell me that things are going to be okay because no matter how mad we get at each other we'll always be friends. If she tries to fix things first than it just feels like she actually wants to be my friend. Frankly, lately I've been feeling like she feels like she only wants to be my friend because, honestly, I'm the one that loves her most so far in this life time. Although, I don't know how she's feeling, therefore I need her to clearify that she does not want to be my friend just for the reason that I love her. This is all just so hard on both of us, I know that much, and my parents fighting getting worse doesn't help matters. I hate love... no good has come from it for me at all. It has ruined one of the only good friendships I have had, it has ruined my life with my parents, and it has taken my brother away from me so much that I feel more alone than I ever did when he had any other girlfriend.
I just want... need to hear her say that she won't ever leave me alone like those few months during the last school year.