The thought about seeing him here had never occured to me before. So when I thought it was them standing there holding hands, I had to take one more quick look to check if it was.
There he was. The only person I'd ever loved, linking arms with a blonde chick (the oppsite of my newly dyed jet black hair). She was laughing at something he just said, him smiling down at her. He seemed so happy that it only allowed one thought into my head; Why not me? Why was he happy with her and not me? Suddenly I was filled with bitterness towards him and all I wanted was to see that slut with her perfect smile make a fool of herself infront of him; infront of me. I had never before this thought of myself as a mean, hatful person. I wasn't excatly hatful towards him, but I was mad. I watched them laugh and cling to each other some more, then just when I was getting up from my bench to leave, he bent down and kissed her softly, a caring, loving kiss. My heart skipped a beat as I stood here, ready to leave, just watching him kiss her and her kiss abck. Tears streamed down my face as I began to rush back to the hotel. Why her? Why not me? Why was she allowed to be happy with him and I wasn't? How could he do this to me? He said he loved me. He lied to me.
When I opened the door to our hotel room I found Avril and Carson making out on the couch infront of the big screen tv. When they heard me come in the door, their faces shut up right away and noticed my puff, red eyes.
"Angela?" Avril asked, a worry edge in her voice. She wuckly got up from the couch and came over to me. Her arms wrapped around me as I sobbed silently into her shoulder and whispered, "I saw him with her..."
Avril clicked her tongue sympachticly, "Oh, honey"
My throat started to tighten with every thought of him kssing her. I couldn't hold in my tears any longer, I started to bawl as I tried to tell Avril and Carson the story.
"Shhh" Avril hushed me softly as Carson came over to me and rubbed my back. He whispered, "Who'd she see?" to Avril. I couldn't see Avril's face because mine was bruied in her shoulder, but I could feel the dirty look she was giving him.
Carson said sorry, hugged me and then said he'd leave us alone, he's call later. I quickly gathered myself together, "no, no. I'll go. Sorry for introupting"
"Anegla, come back here" Avril said as I hurried to the door. I could tell she wasn't pleased with me leaving by the edge in her voice. I turned around and went to the couch to sit down.
"Carson, I'll call you later" Avril said. Carson nodded, winked at me, and off he went.
Once he was gone, Avril sighed and turned to look at me, "I know asking if you're okay would be a dumb thing to do, seeing how you obviously aren't. But it's the only thing I can think of to say."
More tears started to roll down my cheeks as I made myself into a tiny ball on the couch. Avril sighed again and sat down next to me. Her warm arms wrapped around me again in a tight hug.
"What can I do?" She asked as I laid down on the couch, laying my head on her lap.
"I don't know" I answered in a whisper.
"Hmm," Avril hummed as she began to stroke my hair. We stayed quiet for while, me sniffling, her humming and stroking my hair. The silence felt comforting, calming even. I smiled at the thought of how nice it was to have a friend that would kick out her boyfriend just to comfort me in a time of need.
After a minute or so, Avril suddenly spoke in a calming, quiet tone, "we should go away"
"Aren't we already away?" I asked, reminding myself of home and hot I missed my mom and dad. I had called them just the other day, telling more my mom than my dad how things were going, how I was feeling about Jay, how this trip actually wasn't so bad. I would have to call tehm again tongiht to hell them about seeing Jay and his new girlfriend. I knew just like Avril, my mom would have nice things to say to help me through it all.
:I know but I mean go somewhere else, other than London" Avril said, still stroking my hair.
"What about Carson?" I asked, tears still streaming my cheeks.
"He'll come, and if not, so what? This trip is for me and you, not him." Avril smiled.
I smiled back, "Okay..."
"Lets go to Lincoln. It'll be perfect. A nice quiet town with beauitful places to visit is just what we need."
Lincoln was also home to Avril's mom's family mebers and I knew that Avril hated them. After they visited once and trashed her barbie collection as a kid and bad mouthed her friends as a teenager, Avril never seemed to talk about them or to them.
"What about your family?" I asked, "Don't do all this crap like kicking you boyfriend out and going somewhere you don't want to go just ebcause of Jay."
"Anegla, I'm not doing it for that dick, I'm doing it for you, My friend." Avril said as she stopped stroking my hair and I sat up to look at her.
"Okay.." I said, for lack of anything else to say.
We were quiet again for awhile as Avril's expression turned into the tense, nervous one I saw on the plane coming here.
"Avril...?" I asked, wondering if she could even hear me, her expression looked so far off.
"Mhmm?" She replied, still looking right through me.
"Why... why do you hate your family so much?" I asked, hearing the curious edge of my own voice.
Now Avril looked at me, the tense, nervous look still in her eyes.
"Do you really want to know?" Her voice seemed scared and hopeless.
I nodded, scooting closer to her on the couch.
Avril sighed, "really Anegla? It's a long story. One you've either never listened to or one I just didn't want to bother you with."
"Never listened to? Never wanted to bother me with? Avril, I'm your friend. The least I can do is sit down and talk with you about stuff that's happening in your life, like you do with me" I said as I shuffled on the couch to get more comfortable.
Avril sighed and shuffled on the couch just as I did, "Anegla, everytime I sat down with you to tell you what's going on in my life you would change it to something about you, forgetting mine."
"What? I never did-" But just as I was about to correct her, I realized she was right. The only things I remember her telling me was about Carson when we first became friend, and even then I would somehow cahnge to stuff about Jay and I.
Then it popped into my head. A month before we were leaving for this trip Avril said something about her family, I couldn't remember what it was... I didn't listen at the time.
"Oh my god..." I breathed out, "I'm a horrible friend"
"No, you're not. You've had a lot of things to deal with, with that prick and all. I never expected you to give a crap about my crap"Avril said with a smile, a fake one.
"Jesus Avril, you know that's not an excuse. You have things going on in your life just as I do and you always help me, yet I never even try to help you. I want to be here for you. So, go, talk, I'll listen and be here to try and help without speaking of my problems." I said, still chocked at how horrible I had been to her.
"Really? You don't have to, they're stupid problems anyways" Avril said to the floor.
"Like mine aren't? No, I want to listen and help" I said and smiled as Avril looked up from the ground and smiled at me. "Thanks, really."
I smiled back, "Anytime. Now go, talk away."
Avril stopped smiling and took a deep breath, "Well first... Well I guess there's no easy way to say this so I'll just start from the beginning."
I nodded, being kind of excited to hear my friends secrets.
"Well... my parents fight, a lot, and after awhile I joined in, sticking up for one or none of them. Then once my brother moved out..." She had to stop because suddenly tears started to pour down her cheeks and she started to hiccup a little. I moved closer to her and started to rub her back, trying to calm her down. She sniffled and hiccuped a little more before continuing, "when my brother moved out things got worse, the fighting for worse. My mom would yell at my dad for no reason. One day we were realling pissed off at each other, screaming at one another. I said soemthing to my mom about how she bitches too much and she.. slepped me across the face..." Avril explained, beginning to cry agfain after the last bit.
I was shocked, furious with her mother. I stopped rubbing her back and began to just stare at the floor. What could I say? I wanted to make her stop crying, something I was never used to doing. I moved her hair from her face and wiped some tears away, more just replacing those ones. The only thing I could think of to say was, "Are you okay?"
Avril gave a weak smile, the oppsite of the bright, happy one she usually had.
"Sure" was all she said.
"Um.. is this still happening?" I asked, still trying to find something to say that wasn't a question.
"Hmm.. a little.." Avril sighed.
"Avril, don't lie to me." I want to knwo what's happening" I said, concerned and worried for her.
Avril sighed again, tears still rolling down her cheeks, "yes, it's still happening. Worse than just a silly slap across the face."
My furious for her mom turned into anger as Avril stood up, wiping tears off her face. Avril sniffled and pulled up her shirt to reveal a yellow, black, purple and blue bruse that seemed to begin around her breats and end near her hips.
"She hits and kicks, yelling and screaming" Avril hiccuped, new tears rolling fast down her cheeks.
I got up and rushed over, pulling down her shirt, not daring to look anymore. I hugged her gently and let her cry into my shoulder as she had let me do many times before. I kept silent as she cried and we moved to the bed in our bedroom.
After about an hour of hugging and crying, Avril calmed down. "there's something I haven't told you still..." Avril hiccuped once more.
"Okay, go ahead" Was all I could think of to say. What other problems could happen to this one girl?
"My mom's fend up with me she says. So... so, she kicked me out of the house about two days before we came here." Avril said, laying down on teh be, tears rolling off her cheeks to the pillow her head rested on.
"Fuck" I said, getting up from the bed. Anger started to fill me. I was angry with how someone's own mother would do that to them. My mom was one of my best friends, I couldn't even imagine what Avril was going through.
"What?" Avril asked, sitting up from the bed with a concerned look in her puffy, red eyes.
"I'm angry!" I almost yelled. "how the fuck could someone do that to their own daughter? How could your family not care what the hell she's doing to you? It's abuse Avril, you should tell someone."
Avril looked shocked at my sudden mood change, "I told you, and I told Carson"
"Yes, but I mean someone that can actually do something, Avril" I said more calmly as I made my way over to the bed again.
More tears sprung from Avrils eyes. She looked down, playign with some fluff from the bed sheets, "Sorry" she whispered.
I sighed and sat down next to her. I lifted up her chin so she was looking at me, "hey," I whispered, wiping some tears away from her red cheeks. :ookinginto her bloodshot, green eyes I said, "I love you, Avril and I promise to do anything I can to help. I really do."
Avril's face broke into a smile, the bright one I was so fond of.
I smiled back as we embraced in a hug.
(that's all I have written so far =] enjoy )
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