I'm too tired to even think let alone go get a computer. I shouldn't even be getting it, it feels wrong. Also, everything that's on this computer hasn't been backed up yet so where the fuck is the new computer gonna go?

Yesterday was fucking amazing. I actually got over my paranoid thoughts about roller coaster all because she tricked me. I realized how trusting I am now. I can meet a new person and as soon as I figure they aren't an asshole, I can trust them. I should really stop that, stop trusting every person that comes into my life.

Tomorrow... for some reason I don't want tomorrow to come... I don't want to turn 15. I wanna go back to the old times where the only thing I worried about was if my little pink dress would get ruined some how during the day. If I turn 15 it'll just mean that this time next year I'll be 16, nothing more and nothing less. So why does it feel so bad? I'm trying to tell myself it's because I don't want to be 16 next summer, I don't want to move on, I don't want to see my future.

To be honest, the only thing I do want right now, and know it's possible, is for you to be happy. With him, with me, with your family, with school, with anything you do... I want you to be happy. I don't know why I want this, other than the fact that I love you, but other than that I can't think of a reason why all my thoughts always stop and I start to think how happy I'd be if you were happy. I really think that's the only thing pushing me on to see what tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that brings me. All my suicidal thoughts are cut off with the thought that I want to see you happy everyday from this day forward.
The other thing I'd like, which I feel so selfish for wanting, is to be with you and watch you throughout your life as a friend. I think that would make me happy too, just being there.