I've been reading these books by Emily Giffin lately and I just have to say that they are very realstic. Sure, they're books for 30 year old woman but it still has taught me that maybe life is as short as it is. Nonetheless, it makes me feel... happy. Not happy in general, but happy that I'm alive. I'm not saying the suicidal thoughts have completely gone, and I'm not saying I've given up cutting completely either. But I have this feeling that no matter what rough times come in the near future (and I'm sure there are many that will start on Friday evening) I still have a good, hopful feeling that my life will just fall in place, somewhat of a hopful feeling at least. I'm sad to say that once I change books those hopful feelings may just fade haha.

I still have a pang of worry everyday now that I'm here. It's like losing her once made my fear of losing here ever worse, which makes sense. Like my last blog, it seems like her calling her first has put the fear at the top of my list of worse fears of mine. And it's not just that, it's also a recent boxedthoughts and just... everything. I don't know, I can't explain.

I'm still pissed off at him, of course, that's never gonna go away now. I have too many mixed up emotions right now for so many different things.

David got a haircut, it's safe to say he looks way hotter now... and... ah nvm.

My mom called, asked me if I wouldn't mind staying with a friend for awhile the week I get back. She was nice about it at first but once I said I may not have a friend that's gonna let me be with them for so long all that week she blew up and told me I could sleep on the street or something then. I'm just hoping my dad will defend me on this one as I may not have a place to stay next week then, and I've slept on the streets one night already and it's no pinic.