I hate mood swings. One second I'm as happy as can be singing along to some random song on the radio driving down the street of Toronto thinking "hell, why am I always so pissed off lately?" and also thinking how great is that me and her are friends and just how much I truly love this city. Then the moment I get into a store that's burning hot and I try on this 250 dollar dress that I love more than anything and my mom calls and tells me I can't buy that even with my own money, I get all pissed off again. I started walking down the streets hating my mom and my dad (I left him at some random store when I was happy because he said it was okay, he had some stuff to do anyways). I hate how my mood can change like that and with a bad mood comes the thoughts of how she doesn't love me, how she'll never love me, how just being friends doesn't make me stay happy, and how I still have to decide who I want to stay with. Then my good mood came back because some guy who was working at borderline started talking to me and helping me find clothes, telling me I was really cute and he loved my hair. Then he started choosing outfits for me and told me he thought they would suit me best and stuff like that. The cool part was that everything he picked out fit amazing but it was just so expensive (I still ended up buying something though from there mainly because I loved it but also because he said that it was his favourite out of all of them =] ). Anyways I got my good mood back and went home. Then as soon as I get in the door my mom's all "I can't held this anymore! Pick who you want to stay with already!" That decision is not one I can just make on th spot. Each parent has it's pros and cons. My mom and I would probably argue a lot (but so would my dad and I), I hate shopping with my mom (love it with my dad... most of the time), my mom would be moving three hours away from this amazing city (my dad would be staying here). I guess if you look at it that way my dad would be the one to stay with but... there's something about living with two guys (seeing how my brother would stay here) and not having another girl in that house that makes me want to stay with my mom. Although, the choice I'm going to make is probably to stay with my dad, just because I can't live three hours away. The only thing is I know my mom won't stop bitching about how much she wants me to be with her and not him. I don't know.. most people stay with their moms.. but I do know one person that went with their dad... I don't know.. I really don't.

I think the main reason I don't want to move is because of her... even though maybe distance would be best, I just wouldn't be able to do that. I want my brother back... *sighs*

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During my happy mood today well we were driving past the CN tower I had this random... day dream of Ryan. It's weird how much I've been thinking about him lately without really knowing I'm thinking about him, if you know what I mean. I have this want to see him... maybe because when I liked him everything was good, I may have not thought so then but now I definately know that things were good then, or at least better. Last night I started reading all the emails and really old conversation I had with him... god, he's amazing. He made me so happy. I even wrote down what he said the one time he called my cell phone drunk and left a message. To be completely honest I think I really miss him. I just wish we could be as good of friends as we use to be.